How to deal with emotional baggage?

How  to deal with emotional baggage

 When I was a child, I remember reading these lines outside an open heart surgery center-"अगर दिल खोल लिया होता यारों के साथ तो आज नहीं खोलना पड़ता औज़ारों के साथ" .And that’s the truth.

There are people who are really confined to themselves, they have so much of baggage in their minds that they can’t get rid of, they store those unnecessary and trivial issues in themselves, cursing and feeling guilty of one or the other thing without even trying to resolve the issue.

 Ladies and gentlemen, believe me there is not a single way that you can flush out that emotional baggage without sharing them with anyone.

“Sometimes the past should be abandoned, yes. Life is a journey and you can’t carry everything with you. Only the usable baggage.” ~Ha Jin

If a boy child is crying ,parents console him by saying-“Are you a girl”? And the poor boy after noticing those expressions on his parents face, sop up all those tears back into his eyes as if being a girl is sin and the rest of his life, he doesn’t cry. His parents condition him emotionally  this way.

 As  they say, a true man doesn’t feel pain, come on, you demon, he is a human with few emotions.

New research has found that 80 per cent of men repress feelings of anxiety rather than externalising their emotions. Mental health experts say the brave face isn't helping anyone-Telegraph

The new research shows that whilst men and women deal with their anxiety in different ways – with women more likely to cry and men tending to 'bottle up' their emotions – the triggers of these negative thoughts are largely the same. Job interviews, moving house and having a health problem were all commonly cited as contributors to anxious feelings.

Curiously, the only standout statistic concerned marriage. The research found that men were twice as likely to experience serious anxiety before tying the knot than their brides-to-be  -    Telegraph

According to a report presented by India Today in 2011, it was stated that men are hard-wired to suffer heart disease more than women.

For god sake , let them cry when they want to, let them pour out their heart. That boy when grows up, keeps all his frustration and he ought to present himself as a MAN who is courageous enough to bear every emotional trauma without saying ‘ouch’. It was stuffed in his delicate mind that crying is judged as a  sign of weakness.

We all have emotional baggage. Some of us have 3 suitcases of heavy things, some of us have just a tiny bag… Everyone has them. Sometimes we feel as if we were carrying a lifetime’s heaviness of sorrows, pain, and anger.

We have men who need to learn to cry and women who need to unlearn to cry as usually, the ladies think that crying is their birth right.

Let’s see how we can identify triggers of emotional baggage:

1.Terrified of being alone :

When we are not comfortable with ourselves, we jump into relationships, work , shop till we exhaust ourselves. We do whatever it takes to keep ourselves away from our own thoughts. We run the race against ourselves.

2. Hurling feelings:

You are actually annoyed or upset because of something else and tend to transfer those emotions to someone else and you end up putting your relationships at stake.

3.Too much attention to your faults:

When you kind of scrutinize yourself and try to find out one or the other mistake of yours .Eventually it becomes an obsession.

4.Keep on comparing yourself with others:

You never feel satisfied with yourself and keep on comparing yourself in quest of finding a fault.

Emotional baggage is nothing but a “story” we tell ourselves. By challenging those stories, you accelerate the process of healing. Understand that you can leave that unnecessary heaviness out there on the carousel of the baggage claim and away from you and your life and how does it feel?

What will it feel like when I let go of the heaviness and leave my emotional baggage behind? How would I act and think since I don’t have to carry it with me anymore? How would my relationships with people look like? Take your time to think and reflect on those questions.

Have your desire to heal and to be free at all times in your mind. Be aware and stay alert of your thinking process. Be vigilant of what exactly goes into your bucket and make sure you release it on time.

Clinging to your conditioning and emotions will only make you miserable. Be like a tree that is deeply rooted but has new leaves and fresh flowers and fruits.

Bless your past, wish it well, forgive and let go…Take a look at your past experiences. What did you take from them? What lessons did they bring you?

It’s up to us how we choose to see the world: through the glasses of fear and contempt towards the future… or we can choose to embrace it with all the hope and forgiveness of the past.

Remember, emotional baggage is all about fear and its up to you whether to choose fear or freedom.

Are we raising multi-dimensional kids or media absorbed??

Raising muti-dimensional kids rather media absorbed

Excess of everything is bad , I have been raised listening to this mantra. I remember I used to take permission from my mom to switch on the TV, to remind u all, those were the days when we had landline connections rather mobile phones. Later , mobile phones were introduced but with very less features .

·    These days I observe kids with their heads down, all looking at their individual hand-held screens, physically they seem to be with each other but mentally they are immersed into those screens. It is very important for us to raise multi-dimensional kids rather  media-absorbed. And the irony is that Parents feel outsmarted or overwhelmed by their children’s computer and internet abilities. They don’t see the repercussions and later repent.

·     I remember how my new born loved listening to Lenka, that whenever she cried we played that song and later it became a habit , it went on to videos, movies. Now she is 2 ,she cries for watching TV, she wants phone everytime but as I am aware now, I try to engage her in one or the other stuff.

·     I want my child to be engaged in the real world rather staring at a virtual world. I am sure each one of you out there wants the same. We ought to spent quality time with our kids.Today children are struggling with things like ADHD or cognitive and language development. 

e    Well, ADHD is attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD) affects children and teens and can continue into adulthood. ADHD is the most commonly diagnosed mental disorder of children. Children with ADHD may be hyperactive and unable to control their impulses. Or they may have trouble paying attention.

Parenting is not a cake walk, it needs lot of patience, energy and perseverance , these are the times when both parents work and when they are back home ,they are exhausted and to fetch those moments of peace, they give phones or switch on the TV for their kids ,oh! What a relief ,but this way the kids get addicted to phones and TV.

So, are a few minutes of television going to irrevocably damage your child?  Perhaps, No but friends, this is hampering their brain development especially for the kids below 5.

AAP,American Association of Pediatric’s screentime guidelines for kids are as follows:

·         0-18 months – no screen time (except for video chatting)

·         18 months to 2 years – the AAP mentions that media can be educational beginning at         18 months, though they don’t sound very convinced of this

·         2-5 years old – no more than 1 hour per day

·         5 years and beyond – the AAP don’t recommend a specific amount of screentime but        do urge parents to place consistent limits.

·    So, lets see how can we reduce the screen time habits for our kids-

Independent play-  chosen, initiated and directed completely by the child. When your child is able to engage in independent play, being with your child becomes less demanding. You are no longer the entertainment. You can sit back and just observe what your child is exploring. You may be able to read, check your email, work, eat chocolate—whatever—and all while he plays and explore. Self-directed play builds social and emotional health, confidence, creativity, self-discipline and problem solving skills.

 TV damages a child’s instinct for discovery and self-directed play. Not only is increased TV viewing linked to shorter attention spans, but TV viewing encourages the need and desire to be entertained over interest in discovery and exploration. So the more TV they watch, the less they are able to engage in self-directed play and the more they “need” TV. (Same goes for tablets, phones, and all other screens.)

As I said, watching TV can actually decrease children’s ability to engage in self-directed play so stopping TV viewing is an obvious first step. Some parents will feel that going cold turkey works best, while others gradually wean TV watching out of their child’s daily schedule. It will also depend on your child’s age.

Always choose toys wisely- When selecting or deciding whether to keep a toy, remember that simple is good. Choose toys that will foster imagination and discovery rather than toys that move or make noise. In fact, get rid of (or take the batteries out of) all battery-powered toys.  As infant expert Magda Gerber said “Active toys make passive children; passive toys make active children.” And active children are wonderful at discovering fun and entertaining activities that will keep them engaged! Let them play, let them choose, and please keep that urge to help your kid at bay, don’t interrupt them while playing and maintain trust on your kid.

Physical Activity-Walking in the park or at a mall are healthy for the body ,thus provide a substitute for video screen time. Indulging in sports is a valuable exercise for physical and social skills. Even spectator sports are valuable, as the child gets to see real people in real time rather than watching television or playing a virtual sports game on a screen. Be sure to help children discover at least one physical activity they can enjoy for an extended time – even into adulthood.

Music And Visual Arts- Buy a cabinet full of art supplies and an easel. Paints, colored pencils, pastels, and modeling clay are fodder for endless creations and can be enjoyed by any child.

Musical instruments are a time-tested activity for growing children. From simple rhythm sticks and hand drums  to piano lessons and band instruments for school-aged kids, music practice builds discipline and self-confidence. It gives a child the opportunity to create his own music with his own hands and mind.

Life Skills- Children enjoy learning grown-up skills, you can provide appropriate tools for a child to help sweep floors, cut vegetables, set the table and more. Children can also learn crafts such as knitting, weaving, and woodworking. Let them help with home repair projects by handing an adult the right tool or wielding a paint brush. Take them to the hardware store or let them tag along when it is time to get an oil change. These trips and projects can  foster learning as well as be opportunities for interesting conversations.

Let's show them how interesting the real world can be. Involve them in real things: pet care, personal relationships, home-improvement projects, and creative activities. To a child tuned in to the real world, the virtual “reality” on a screen will hold less appeal. Such a child can then learn to use media appropriately.

 

The irresistible Eighth month

The Eighth month irresistible itch

A strange beautiful feeling arousing my mind and soul with anxiety and utter happiness ,getting anxious day by day  along with that emotional pinch and that fluttering movement in the belly makes me more enthusiastic and delighted ,these rhythmic movements going on with any cool music fosters me to feel and enjoy the ensuing motherhood .        

Today I woke up with a power packed kick of the baby, it was like as if the baby doesn't like getting late in the morning. I could actually see the squirming on my bulging belly, the movements that the baby makes, probably she/he wants to peep out and see the world.

The uncomfortable feeling is more turning to anxiety of eagerness to see my little one soon in my arms. 

I have already started imagining the little one, how he/she is going to look and how she is going to react to see me etc.

Does she know me? Will she be comfortable being with me? Can I take care of her?

These questions often keep on troubling me. Being a mother is not a cake walk ofcourse. I take care of myself so that my baby remains safe, this feeling is so special and will always be close to my heart.

This is my eighth month and I have successfully spent seven months waiting for you, darling.

Five months were tough for your mom, baby. I will definitely tell you once you will come. I was not able to eat anything, even was not able to drink water, the doctors say it Obstetric Cholestasis, yeah, I know quite a medical term, I could not walk properly, I was so tired but I managed those five months just to see you infront of me.

I always kept being a mother below everything but the news of “YOU”  being there in me turned the table completely, I started feeling as if I am there just to see you.

That very feeling is so special that these words will fall short of describing that.

Do you see baby, even before coming, u have become so special into our lives.

I will always cherish these moments till the rest of my life.

Yeah, I know I am not the only mother in this world but yes I am the mother of my baby.

 I see those peculiar ultrasound photos and try to see where you are and how you look, try to figure out what you must be doing at that time and trust me as many times I see those photos, everytime you change your cute poses.

I can feel you squirming, moving, kicking and dancing, yeah, I know you love dancing. I check my weight and I am a bit bothered about my weight gain, got those white tigress stripes that mark your upcoming arrival into my life.

I can’t fit into my favourite dresses , can’t walk properly but everything is fine when you tease me by your sudden kicks.

I smile, I giggle, I have mood swings to the top, I know it’s YOU. You made me to eat Cassata at 12 in the midnight, and then made me rush to the bathroom puking out everything but let me tell you, you are very experimental with taste.

I can smell everything cooking in the neighbourhood as well; rice, curry and how I hate onion and garlic , yeah , I know I have become quite dramatic.

I have got sweet tooth since the time you are there with me, you have become chatting buddy, you must be a girl as you love chatting, oh let’s not make it gender specific.

I have planned the names already, sh! not going to tell, you have to wait for this. Even before coming into this world you have already stolen my heart. I know it’s just a beginning and have to cross many miles though I feel as if I have grown those innate traits of a mother.

Doctor says ,by 23^rd January 2015, you will be there in my arms but that’s too long now, can’t wait to see you my baby bee, love you to the moon and backJ

EXISTENCE

Existence
...........................
.....................................By-Aakanksha Tyagi

May be I am not the one
to whom they say human
May be I am not the one
they say courteous

For I am not the one
who eulogise and then criticise,
as what is delightful and what is morose
I go beyond that which they call bliss

bliss to be what I am
to be in my mere ubiquitious existence
to know about me they say I am a rebellion so far
as I dn't go on their conformed way
which they say will go to rack and ruin

I can't be the verity nor the deceit
since I am one.
may be I am a subterfuge in their real world
but yes I am not them.

letting the thoughts flow deeper with a profound curiousity
is what they call slow-witted
and yes I am that
I am that
I am that.
              -Aakanksha Tyagi

THREE PILLARS TO SUCCESS

THREE PILLARS TO SUCCESS

1.BELIEF

SUCCESS...as you hear this word ,you see your self standing on top cherishing your happiness with a dense crowd applauding and cheering for you. And yes, you actually picturised the scenario while going through the above lines.

So , ladies and gentlemen even in this picturisation of yours, you are happy to see people applauding for you, acknowledging your success. In other words more than success recognition matters for you.

Lets take an example-You bought a new branded T-shirt for a long awaited party and you are pretty confident that you look awesome in that T-shirt .What if  somebody says that you r not looking good or nobody say anything and people are appreciating your friend who is also wearing a new T-shirt.

Yes, now you get me right. When people acknowledge your success or witness your success you feel motivated  and happy which shows you everytime need one or the other person to make you feel motivated, yes I say it correct, FEEL motivated.

Feeling motivated has nothing to do with success as it is temporary.

Yes, yes wait a second, self motivation is nothing . Successful people don’t need motivation , they have success in themselves which they bring infront of them and yes if you believe that you will then definitely you will make it.

If your success is out of motivation or inspiration then its temporary.

Believers are AchieversJ

2. CHANGE

Change plays a pivotal role in a successful life. As some holy soul said- If you will do the same actions  you will  get the same results, if you desire to get something different then need to do something different.

Keep on challenging your present status because change in your routine, task can only bring success more near to you.

Not getting the result that you expected for ,doesn’t mean that you failed, instead it means you need to change the process or the way you were working for.

You need to change the meaning of this word Failure in your dictionary .

How many changes Thomas Alva Edison had to make before inventing the bulb?

Approxiamately 99 times. He was indeed a successful person who challenged his experiments and worked on it believing that he was successful.

3. TRUTH

When Copernicus challenged the superstition of common people, he was publically beheaded as he didn’t accept the already prevailing idea of earth.

But the fact or the truth can never be altered or changed, it will always remain the same no matter how much you try to manipulate .

And the truth is that You are very special, important and sublime which can not be changed , you have to believe that. If you don’t than you will always be those common people who follow and fall into the vicious circle of external happiness which probably will give you temporary success but will not be able to make you successful.

I have heard many people asking “Who is your inspiration”? And the answer they expect is somebody’s name. In reality the answer is myself. I compete with myself , try to get a step ahead everytime where I was earlier.

SUCCESS IS INTERNAL NOT EXTERNAL.