How to deal with emotional baggage?

How  to deal with emotional baggage

 When I was a child, I remember reading these lines outside an open heart surgery center-"अगर दिल खोल लिया होता यारों के साथ तो आज नहीं खोलना पड़ता औज़ारों के साथ" .And that’s the truth.

There are people who are really confined to themselves, they have so much of baggage in their minds that they can’t get rid of, they store those unnecessary and trivial issues in themselves, cursing and feeling guilty of one or the other thing without even trying to resolve the issue.

 Ladies and gentlemen, believe me there is not a single way that you can flush out that emotional baggage without sharing them with anyone.

“Sometimes the past should be abandoned, yes. Life is a journey and you can’t carry everything with you. Only the usable baggage.” ~Ha Jin

If a boy child is crying ,parents console him by saying-“Are you a girl”? And the poor boy after noticing those expressions on his parents face, sop up all those tears back into his eyes as if being a girl is sin and the rest of his life, he doesn’t cry. His parents condition him emotionally  this way.

 As  they say, a true man doesn’t feel pain, come on, you demon, he is a human with few emotions.

New research has found that 80 per cent of men repress feelings of anxiety rather than externalising their emotions. Mental health experts say the brave face isn't helping anyone-Telegraph

The new research shows that whilst men and women deal with their anxiety in different ways – with women more likely to cry and men tending to 'bottle up' their emotions – the triggers of these negative thoughts are largely the same. Job interviews, moving house and having a health problem were all commonly cited as contributors to anxious feelings.

Curiously, the only standout statistic concerned marriage. The research found that men were twice as likely to experience serious anxiety before tying the knot than their brides-to-be  -    Telegraph

According to a report presented by India Today in 2011, it was stated that men are hard-wired to suffer heart disease more than women.

For god sake , let them cry when they want to, let them pour out their heart. That boy when grows up, keeps all his frustration and he ought to present himself as a MAN who is courageous enough to bear every emotional trauma without saying ‘ouch’. It was stuffed in his delicate mind that crying is judged as a  sign of weakness.

We all have emotional baggage. Some of us have 3 suitcases of heavy things, some of us have just a tiny bag… Everyone has them. Sometimes we feel as if we were carrying a lifetime’s heaviness of sorrows, pain, and anger.

We have men who need to learn to cry and women who need to unlearn to cry as usually, the ladies think that crying is their birth right.

Let’s see how we can identify triggers of emotional baggage:

1.Terrified of being alone :

When we are not comfortable with ourselves, we jump into relationships, work , shop till we exhaust ourselves. We do whatever it takes to keep ourselves away from our own thoughts. We run the race against ourselves.

2. Hurling feelings:

You are actually annoyed or upset because of something else and tend to transfer those emotions to someone else and you end up putting your relationships at stake.

3.Too much attention to your faults:

When you kind of scrutinize yourself and try to find out one or the other mistake of yours .Eventually it becomes an obsession.

4.Keep on comparing yourself with others:

You never feel satisfied with yourself and keep on comparing yourself in quest of finding a fault.

Emotional baggage is nothing but a “story” we tell ourselves. By challenging those stories, you accelerate the process of healing. Understand that you can leave that unnecessary heaviness out there on the carousel of the baggage claim and away from you and your life and how does it feel?

What will it feel like when I let go of the heaviness and leave my emotional baggage behind? How would I act and think since I don’t have to carry it with me anymore? How would my relationships with people look like? Take your time to think and reflect on those questions.

Have your desire to heal and to be free at all times in your mind. Be aware and stay alert of your thinking process. Be vigilant of what exactly goes into your bucket and make sure you release it on time.

Clinging to your conditioning and emotions will only make you miserable. Be like a tree that is deeply rooted but has new leaves and fresh flowers and fruits.

Bless your past, wish it well, forgive and let go…Take a look at your past experiences. What did you take from them? What lessons did they bring you?

It’s up to us how we choose to see the world: through the glasses of fear and contempt towards the future… or we can choose to embrace it with all the hope and forgiveness of the past.

Remember, emotional baggage is all about fear and its up to you whether to choose fear or freedom.

Are we raising multi-dimensional kids or media absorbed??

Raising muti-dimensional kids rather media absorbed

Excess of everything is bad , I have been raised listening to this mantra. I remember I used to take permission from my mom to switch on the TV, to remind u all, those were the days when we had landline connections rather mobile phones. Later , mobile phones were introduced but with very less features .

·    These days I observe kids with their heads down, all looking at their individual hand-held screens, physically they seem to be with each other but mentally they are immersed into those screens. It is very important for us to raise multi-dimensional kids rather  media-absorbed. And the irony is that Parents feel outsmarted or overwhelmed by their children’s computer and internet abilities. They don’t see the repercussions and later repent.

·     I remember how my new born loved listening to Lenka, that whenever she cried we played that song and later it became a habit , it went on to videos, movies. Now she is 2 ,she cries for watching TV, she wants phone everytime but as I am aware now, I try to engage her in one or the other stuff.

·     I want my child to be engaged in the real world rather staring at a virtual world. I am sure each one of you out there wants the same. We ought to spent quality time with our kids.Today children are struggling with things like ADHD or cognitive and language development. 

e    Well, ADHD is attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD) affects children and teens and can continue into adulthood. ADHD is the most commonly diagnosed mental disorder of children. Children with ADHD may be hyperactive and unable to control their impulses. Or they may have trouble paying attention.

Parenting is not a cake walk, it needs lot of patience, energy and perseverance , these are the times when both parents work and when they are back home ,they are exhausted and to fetch those moments of peace, they give phones or switch on the TV for their kids ,oh! What a relief ,but this way the kids get addicted to phones and TV.

So, are a few minutes of television going to irrevocably damage your child?  Perhaps, No but friends, this is hampering their brain development especially for the kids below 5.

AAP,American Association of Pediatric’s screentime guidelines for kids are as follows:

·         0-18 months – no screen time (except for video chatting)

·         18 months to 2 years – the AAP mentions that media can be educational beginning at         18 months, though they don’t sound very convinced of this

·         2-5 years old – no more than 1 hour per day

·         5 years and beyond – the AAP don’t recommend a specific amount of screentime but        do urge parents to place consistent limits.

·    So, lets see how can we reduce the screen time habits for our kids-

Independent play-  chosen, initiated and directed completely by the child. When your child is able to engage in independent play, being with your child becomes less demanding. You are no longer the entertainment. You can sit back and just observe what your child is exploring. You may be able to read, check your email, work, eat chocolate—whatever—and all while he plays and explore. Self-directed play builds social and emotional health, confidence, creativity, self-discipline and problem solving skills.

 TV damages a child’s instinct for discovery and self-directed play. Not only is increased TV viewing linked to shorter attention spans, but TV viewing encourages the need and desire to be entertained over interest in discovery and exploration. So the more TV they watch, the less they are able to engage in self-directed play and the more they “need” TV. (Same goes for tablets, phones, and all other screens.)

As I said, watching TV can actually decrease children’s ability to engage in self-directed play so stopping TV viewing is an obvious first step. Some parents will feel that going cold turkey works best, while others gradually wean TV watching out of their child’s daily schedule. It will also depend on your child’s age.

Always choose toys wisely- When selecting or deciding whether to keep a toy, remember that simple is good. Choose toys that will foster imagination and discovery rather than toys that move or make noise. In fact, get rid of (or take the batteries out of) all battery-powered toys.  As infant expert Magda Gerber said “Active toys make passive children; passive toys make active children.” And active children are wonderful at discovering fun and entertaining activities that will keep them engaged! Let them play, let them choose, and please keep that urge to help your kid at bay, don’t interrupt them while playing and maintain trust on your kid.

Physical Activity-Walking in the park or at a mall are healthy for the body ,thus provide a substitute for video screen time. Indulging in sports is a valuable exercise for physical and social skills. Even spectator sports are valuable, as the child gets to see real people in real time rather than watching television or playing a virtual sports game on a screen. Be sure to help children discover at least one physical activity they can enjoy for an extended time – even into adulthood.

Music And Visual Arts- Buy a cabinet full of art supplies and an easel. Paints, colored pencils, pastels, and modeling clay are fodder for endless creations and can be enjoyed by any child.

Musical instruments are a time-tested activity for growing children. From simple rhythm sticks and hand drums  to piano lessons and band instruments for school-aged kids, music practice builds discipline and self-confidence. It gives a child the opportunity to create his own music with his own hands and mind.

Life Skills- Children enjoy learning grown-up skills, you can provide appropriate tools for a child to help sweep floors, cut vegetables, set the table and more. Children can also learn crafts such as knitting, weaving, and woodworking. Let them help with home repair projects by handing an adult the right tool or wielding a paint brush. Take them to the hardware store or let them tag along when it is time to get an oil change. These trips and projects can  foster learning as well as be opportunities for interesting conversations.

Let's show them how interesting the real world can be. Involve them in real things: pet care, personal relationships, home-improvement projects, and creative activities. To a child tuned in to the real world, the virtual “reality” on a screen will hold less appeal. Such a child can then learn to use media appropriately.